Keelyn's #1 Goal

NEED

SOMETHING IN
MOUTH!!!
Sometimes we are nice and stop taking pictures long enough to end her slobbery search with the beloved paci.

In the Family

My friend Caroline took Keelyn's 3 month photos yesterday. I'll post some of my favorites separately, but wanted to share these just for fun...

Keelyn at 3 months...
Hailey at 3 months... Keelyn looking like her mommy...
The mommy...

It's All the Same

I hear myself saying things, and wonder whether I say them because Hailey does, or if she says them because I do. Things like, "That might be good,"..."Well, maybe,"...and, "Just a little,"...I know those things all sound like normal phrases, but when she says them, it's really cute. When I say them, I'm reminded of how cute it is when she says them.

***

Things are different from when we were kids. At dusk, I remember looking out in the yard and seeing lightning bugs on fire crackling up the air and floating through the trees. They aren't around so much any more. We had a VCR to watch movies on. It had big bright colored geometric buttons. MTV was new and featured music videos all day long. Hailey asks me to fast forward through commercials, and pause the TV if she has to leave the room. She knows what an iPod is, and talks on our cell phones. Who needs lightning bugs and MTV when you can dance to a ring tone?

***

Tonight I asked her if she was all done with dinner, and she said, "Yes, I am all done, I eat yots fo dinna. Whole yot."

Then I said, "You know what, Hailey, I have something special for you to eat."

She turned her head to the side with a rather sly look on her face, and whispered, "Ooh, chocolate?"

She is her mother's daughter, and I am mine.

You oosed to be in my tummy, Mommy...and CareBear too...

Hailey was busy multi-tasking yesterday...not everyone can make a chicken dinner with PlayDoh, eat their weight in Oreo cookies, and tell a tall tale all at once.

Her incessant stream of story telling involves both fiction and non, and often only a truly discriminating ear can tell the difference. Maybe that's because only a discriminating ear can tell what she is saying at all, but that's neither here, nor there. Point is, this story was fictional...I think.

Key phrase: "...and I nursed you..."

I only caught the tail end, but this is the story of when I was born out of Hailey's "tummy button," and she brought me home from the hospital...

One More Day

Last night was it. I finally mustered up the nerve to walk into Keelyn's perfectly prepared bedroom, and put her down in her crib. No more rolling over to check on her through the night, no more saving her from her stirring the moment she begins, no more bassinet. I can't hear every little breath she takes, I can't rock her to sleep. We're on our own, she and I.

She slept...like a baby. I was awake almost all night. With my head on my pillow, lying in the dark, all I could think about was how quiet it was...quiet, but not peaceful.

I got up and walked across the hall to check on her obsessively. Each time, I found a calm sleeping baby. Cozy in her crib, with lots of room to grow. This was much more difficult for me than for her. I've been trying to do it for a week now. Each night I came up with a reason to keep her with me.

Last night was it. She did great. I, on the other hand, was a wreck.

It Brings Me to Tears

1. Wendy is awake, and on the road to recovery.

2. Keelyn laughing at herself in the mirror.

3. My grandmother, wearing her pearl earrings still, after nearly a month in the hospital.

4. Hailey letting go of my hand, and dancing on her own in ballet class.

5. Missing my brother.

6. Selling three of my grandfather's old run down cars, which he cherished.

7. The way Hailey's hips shake when she asks me to stir her pasta...it's so cute.

8. The feeling I get when Keelyn is crying and I am able to calm her by nursing.

9. Hearing Hailey say, "I love you, Mommy."

10. Knowing how much I love her back.

The Blink of an Eye

I came here to write about kid stuff. But I just can't. I started writing about this BPA stuff that is making me crazy. I even cried in the baby store today trying to find the right pacifier for Keelyn that is BPAfree, as hers is not. I spent over $10 a piece on sippy cups today without batting an eye. I spent over an hour on the phone with Blue Cross this morning getting our claims straight from Keelyn's birth. I voted in the primary in hopes of the opportunity to elect the first female president of the United States...not because she is female...because I think she will lead us in a direction I am happy with for my children and theirs.

On our way home for lunch, I realized why I frantically tackled these things this morning. It's because I had complete control over them. I knew I could make a change for the better, and so I took the time to do it.

My step-mom, Wendy, was hit by a car on Sunday while out riding her bike with my dad. She has been in the surgical ICU department at one of the best hospitals in the country since, and remains unconscious. This, I have no control over. This happened in a matter of seconds, and everything changed. This is creating a feeling in my stomach that I can't suppress, tears I can't hide, and an overwhelming fear. Since marrying my dad, Wendy has become more than a great friend to me, and to my kids. She is one of the most important people in my dad's life, and his pain is palpable. She is a mother to her teenage daughter...who I trust needs her more than any of us. This is hard. This is very hard.

I am not writing for sympathy, but for my own realization of what's going on here. I can't push it back any more. I can't write about something else. I can only spend so much time trying to do other things...and keep busy...and that I can control, before this is staring me in the face again. I am writing to ask for your prayers. That she may have her life back, and that those who love her can have her too.

Snuggling is my Favorite

Hailey's favorite thing to do is dance. She had her very first ballet class on Wednesday. She looked pretty spiffy in her new little outfit, and she knew it. She was a bit timid about the whole thing as a new experience, but if you ask her... "It was really fun, and I twirled round, and round, and I wear a pretty dancin' dress...really pretty!"

Keelyn's current favorite activity is laughing at the silly faces we make at her... ...or that she makes at herself in a mirror.
And my new favorite thing is wearing my little one throughout the day. Well, it's really not a new favorite I guess. Let's just say I have rediscovered it.

As a baby I kept Hailey close at all times. She slept near us, played near us, and still prefers to. I even developed a wrist injury from holding her so much as a baby. I did wear her, but we missed out on the good stuff I know now.

I feel it's important for babies to be near us as much as possible. It's a result of the combination of the raw need to hold my children, the reality that taking care of two often means I need my hands free, the knowledge that they also need me to hold them, and the fact that despite the feeling of constantly having someone all over me, I simply need more...that brought me to my rediscovery. That and a whole lot of help from some good friends who started riding this wave long before I did.

I had no idea that the carrier I used to wear Hailey throughout infancy (I dare not speak it's name) was just the tip of the iceberg...nor did I know it could damage her hips and back, and that there were things out there a whole lot more comfortable for me as well. Enter Megan, my dear Megan, who coached me through this from afar. I have now done enough research on the benefits of baby wearing, as well as the gazillion different types of carriers, that I could tell just about anybody what they need. I still "need" a few more, but in the interest of preserving my bank account {insert some type of brilliant argument for having more children}, I started with only a few new slings. Here we are enjoying each other in two of them.