Dear Hailey,
Today you are three years old. I feel like just yesterday I rolled out of bed and found myself in labor. But then I also seem to remember some nights without sleep, lunch times involving meticulously peeling grapes, and afternoons toweling up peepee accidents, and I realize that some time must have gone by. It must have. Sometimes I still have the feeling I had when we left the hospital with you. That feeling of, "oh my goodness, you want ME to take care of HER??? How will I ever do her justice?" I love you tremendously, and somehow, that seems to get us through.
We've had three years together, full of laughter and tears, cuddling and running around like fools, and recently, even conversation. I could never have imagined how absolutely perfect you would be to me. This, as every phase of your life has presented so far, is my favorite version of you.
When I think about this time last year, I am amazed at how dramatically your little life has changed, both by your own accord, and by that which you have had no control over.
For one, I started this blog. It began shortly after your second birthday. This means, that over the past year, my favorite memories of you are documented. This excites me to no end. When I want to remember what a gift you have been to me this year, and how much you have grown, I can just look back here, or here, or here, or (and I promise this is the last one) here.
I guess the biggest change is that you became a big sister. You were just shy of two years and five months old when Keelyn was born, and I can't imagine a better age for you to experience this time. You took such good care of me while I was pregnant. You cuddled with me when I needed extra rest, you ate ice cream with me when I needed extra ice cream, you showered with me when I couldn't bend over to give you a bath, you read books with me when I didn't want to sit on the floor to play a game. You even helped me clean the day before Kiki was born, and loved it as much as I did. I absolutely loved the time we had for just the two of us as you were becoming a little toddler. Now, I can't imagine who you'd be without the big sister role. When you saw her for the first time, the love in your beautiful blue eyes matched the love in ours, and you continue to be the best big sister a baby girl could ask for. You keep her laughing, bring her toys, shower her with hugs and kisses, and read her stories. You show her how to do your big girl things, and she absolutely adores you.
You have overcome the health issues that much defined your life as a baby and early toddler. Your tummy now tolerates anything, and you will gladly fill it with just about everything. You love macaroni and cheese as much as the next kid, but you also enjoy seafood, fruits, veggies, and anything else most kids your age hate. You have overcome your problems with sleep, and now enjoy plenty of it. One of my favorite times of the day is after we have put you to bed, because I love to listen to you gleefully sing yourself to sleep. Such a stark difference from the difficulties you once had. You still enjoy the comforts of your daddy and me when you are faced with a new situation or a large group of people, but you have gotten very brave, and we are learning to help each other out in these times. You are beginning to realize the confidence you deserve to have, and you are a bright shining star.
Other changes you've seen since your second birthday include your first and only haircut, learning to use the potty, growing to use your imagination in play, learning to talk to me in a conversational way, finally learning to sleep past 4:30a.m. and take one nice nap in the afternoon, growing about three feet taller, learning how to actually play hide and seek, and mastering the art of manipulating your parents. You are really very good at negotiating with us. You love to do things on your own like pottying, washing your hands, getting a drink, getting dressed (which now includes picking out your outfits), reading a story, and playing in your room.
Some things haven't changed a bit. You still love Mickey Mouse and Dancing with the Stars. You still love Jack Johnson, Raffi, and any music Daddy loads on his phone, or that was produced in the 80's, or is sung by Phil Collins, Debbie Gibson, or Pat Benetar. (On the note of music, you spent months 2-5 of this year listening exclusively to a CD full of music with your name in it given to you by the Dew family for Christmas. I too enjoyed this music the first week, but by week 9 or 10, when you finally decided that Carrie Underwood might have something to say, I think I threw a little party in the front seat of the car.)
You still love to feed the ducks down the street, and to run around on the golf course behind the house. You still love bath time. You are still obsessed with hand sanitizer. You still love your blankie, and haven't slept a night without it. You still love to clean, and I'm happy to say that your repertoire has expanded to even being able to fold some laundry with me well enough that I don't have to re-fold it after you go to bed (not that I ever did that). You still love to cuddle, and want to sleep with Daddy and me when you don't feel well. You still require a good back scratch each night before bed.
I also see things in you that have been there forever, and are growing with you, helping you become the person you are destined to be. You are quiet, observant, and responsive to what you pick up on in situations. You are cautious. You hear everything, and you are one smart cookie. Your awareness stuns me, as it has since you were born. You take everything in, and now that you are such a good talker, I am able to help you make sense of some things. You have a kind heart. You are eager to share, happy to hold a hand, quick with compliments, and always available for a hug.
You are extremely expressive whether happy or sad. Sometimes that means I have to listen to some yelling or whining or carrying on, but ultimately, it is something I love about you, because it shows your strength of character. I too am very expressive, and I know that you and I have many open moments and conversations in our years together to come. I look forward to the days when you are truly able to share what's in your heart. When your expression is happy, you are HAPPY! You love to dance around the house, love to dress up and make yourself look "vewy pwetty," love to sing and jump and spin, to take care of your baby dolls, and talk a mile a minute. Your grandparents would tell you that you inherited the talking trait from both your daddy and me. We plead the 5th.
Not a day goes by that I don't find something in you that amazes me. I love it when you come to me just for a hug or a kiss. I love it when you play on your own and I see a smile on your face. I love it when we run errands and you help me get things done. I love having you by my side. I love having the opportunity to know all of you every day, and to share so many sacred moments of your life with you, as you become whatever version of you that's in the works on a given day. I love this three year old version of you. I miss the version we had a year ago, but I can't wait to see who you will become as we embark on another year. I really feel like, with you, we are in this together. I need you more than you can ever know, and I adore you for being my daughter, and for being exactly who you are.
Happy birthday, Haya.
Love, Mama