Thanksgiving at the Grove Park

Hailey's excitement was thicker than the fog covering the mountain tops as we drove into Asheville on Wednesday. She'd barely slept a wink the night before, and only pretended to nap during our drive to appease her pleading parents. She'd carefully packed her favorite Hello Kitty suitcase with books, stuffed animals, and other necessities for a girl on her way out of town. She'd carried the suitcase behind her the whole morning, making certain we didn't forget it.

As we entered the highway, one we use almost daily about 5 miles from our neighborhood, Hailey asked, "Are we in da mountains yet guys? You see da Bitmoah? Mommy, you wemembad my suitcase???"

Though this picture doesn't nearly do it justice, we stayed at the historic Grove Park Inn, thanks to Grammi and Mike, who treated us to an absolutely fabulous Thanksgiving vacation. Words can't describe the enormity of the place, the feeling of history it holds, the stories it tells.

The entire hotel was decorated for the holidays, which meant about 30 different themed Christmas trees adorning the hallways on the main floor overlooking the Blue Ridge Mountains. We followed Hailey around the hotel on Thanksgiving morning as she ran from tree to tree shouting, "Oooh, this one is my favorite, oooh I love this one,"...until we got to this one, which was really her favorite.

We then had the totally insane idea of taking a picture for our Christmas card, since the girls were decked out in pretty dresses, and there were beautiful trees everywhere, and it was about 7:00am and we were the only people awake and dressed in the whole place. We did not get a shot out of a hundred that will work, but I like this one. Look how happy Hailey is to be hugging her sister, and look how desperate Keelyn is for someone to rescue her.

We also tried some by Santa's sleigh, only Hailey was terrified in an I'll scream if you even think of trying to put me down anywhere near that thing, I MEAN IT!, I'll scream so everyone in this gigantic Olympic sized lobby can hear me and think that you are torturing me and my oh so cute self kind of way. So Keelyn posed solo.

We enjoyed a fabulous buffet for Thanksgiving dinner. Hailey's favorite part was the chocolate cake she had for dessert. Keelyn gobbled up butter crackers and brie for her first Thanksgiving feast.

Then we walked down to the bottom of the property to check out the spa...or at least the part the kids can see as well.

They loved looking at the waterfalls and throwing in all of the change to be found between the adults at their disposal.

Here you can see a bit more of just how beautifully the hotel sits in the mountain side.

Another perk of the vacation was the king sized bed in our room. Hailey'd never seen such a thing. As you can see, there was plenty of room for Emma, and Eastman, and Coacoa, and of course maybe the rest of us. She planned it all out.

After our first night, Hailey informed me that one of the things she was most thankful for was being able to cuddle with her "very favorite best baby sister" in bed. Keelyn liked it too. Here she is playing peekaboo over my shoulder as I attempted to block them from one another so that we might get some sleep. Two of the nights they even fell asleep holding hands.

Before your heart melts too much, let me also share that I learned over the course of the trip that even in a king sized bed, one can still find an extremity belonging to each of her family members all lodged under one shoulder blade at the same time. My people don't sleep straight. And they snore. But truly, the cuddling is up there on my list of things to be thankful for as well.

The next day we went to the Biltmore and toured the house, grounds, and winery. Hailey appreciated it in that the princesses I like live in places like this kind of way.

We ate lunch in the stables, where Andrew and I enjoyed one of our very favorite burgers for a second time, discovered when we last visited about 8 years ago.

We were all totally impressed, as Hailey's little legs carried her through the entire day, with energy to spare as she scurried up these steps with Uncle Aaron.

Lucky for Keelyn, we didn't expect much from her legs. She appreciated the nap though.

She did wake up to play in another fountain.

Here they are, partners in crime. See all of the leaves on the ground to the left of them? Now see how there are none in front of them? Hailey taught Keelyn how to pick them up and eat them, I mean throw them in the fountain, which killed a little time while we digested our lunch. I'm guessing somebody gets paid to remove leaves from that thing daily. You're welcome, sir.

After a long day drooling over Vanderbilt money, the girls zonked out on the way back to the hotel.

We spent that evening in the hotel lobby listening to carols, and watching as they lit the Christmas tree. Here's the fire place that keeps the whole great room warm. It's big enough for me to stand in.

Here's Hailey after the lighting of the tree. I think her smile muscles were on auto pilot, and maybe they broke down? It was a long day. She looks like she's gonna grab the camera and smash it on the ground.

Okay, and finally, possibly my favorite part of the whole thing (minus all the lovey-dovey stuff of course), were the gingerbread houses. The Grove Park hosts this gingerbread house contest annually, and the houses were placed throughout the main level of the hotel for viewing. Here are some of our favorites.

Hope your Thanksgiving was as spectacular as ours, and that you have many things to be thankful for. As for me, I think this last picture about sums it up.

Nine Months

As we lie together in the early morning hours, her body still fits against mine. I can feel her head against my breast. Her knees curled beneath her, toes against my belly, bottom against my thighs, as I pull them close to envelope her whole little being. I can feel her breathe. I can feel each solitary movement as she settles most comfortably for the moment. I can smell her hair. I can wrap my arms around her entirely, and with that, I can pretend she's still a part of me, still a part of my body.

We breathe together. In, out, in, out. Our skin warms. For these precious moments, she is mine.

Enough of this crawling stuff

Walking. It's really not necessary yet. I mean she gets along fine crawling around. I knew it was coming though. She's been standing unassisted for longer and longer periods of time, and recently, even started moving from sitting to standing without a piece of furniture in sight. Her determination is inspiring.

I didn't get all announcy about it last week when Keelyn took her first steps... because, My God, surely it was an accident, because, the humanity and all. Certainly the Universe shows mercy on mommies of two kids and keeps them horizontal for at least the first year, RIGHT? It's only logical. It's only fair!

Anyway, in the days since, she's accomplished the same thing repeatedly, so I guess she's on her way! She's yet to take more than two steps before tumbling, but can walk circles around the house holding my fingers with very little support... her favorite fun new game, no doubt.

Added to the fun of this game, is that Hailey is again appreciating her own ability to take steps across the room, and so I am clapping all day long for that, at her request, of course. It's really cute. Hailey keeps begging me to let her help Kiki walk, and tries every time I turn my back. I can already see them walking hand in hand, leaving us in the dust to go meet boys at the mall or something equally frightening. I fear that day will be here in, oh, I don't know, weeks?

I can't believe she's doing this already. It's completely amazing. Never have I seen a baby more proud of herself. She just beams with delight. She's so eager to be independent and to go. Go wherever, whenever. And she's well on her way.

I really do laugh at her all day long

Just a few little anecdotes I've been meaning to share...

Nana: Hailey, I love your new dress. It has just the right amount of growing room to fit you all winter.

Hailey: Yeah, 'cause I need room for my baby in my tummy.

***

Hailey is shaking her hips back and forth, with her back to me...

Me: Hailey, whatcha doin'?

Hailey: My bottom is doing a little dance for you.

(She turns around.) Now my vagina is doing a little dance for you.

***

She's laying on the floor, reading a children's book of bible stories, and asks if we can watch the DVD that goes with it. Having watched enough TV for the day, I say no.

Hailey: Okay, well that's fine. We can just watch it when Baby Jesus comes over for Christmas, okay Mommy?

***

Hailey is talking some sort of nonsense. Often she goes on and on telling mostly incoherent stories about friends she is pretending are over, and the things they do together, while throwing in a song here or there. I call her the "talking stain" like in the stain stick commercials, because she'll talk right over you, and match or beat your volume, creating a situation where it is impossible to have a conversation, or to even hear oneself. (Seriously, have you seen those commercials? Who ever wrote them had a toddler.) Since there is no predictable end, we often have to interrupt just to get on with the day.

The other day, after Drew interrupted, we heard her desperately say, "Wait! Let me finish our conversation!" And that's when I knew she is growing up to be just like me.

***

And finally, today it snowed. Just a little. It was so pretty. I had an adorably cute video of Hailey's excited phone call to Daddy all ready for you on video... and then my stupid self erased it. Don't worry, I beat myself up about it enough already, so you can keep your certain disappointment to yourself.

Just know she told him that, "the snow is beautiful and it is not on the ground, it is floating around and around and around in the sky, and it is cold, brrrrr!"

***

Oh, and one more...

I think I've mentioned before that she LOVES Sugarland. So there's a song about how crappy things happen, and that's just a part of life. She loves the song, because one of the things we practiced saying in her therapy to help her get past her normal frustrations was, "oh well, it happens!" Plus, it's just a good song.

Anyway, at the end of the chorus, the line is, "P-sh!... It happens!" So, guess what Hailey is dancing around the house singing??? Go on, say it fast... you got it! I think we better stay in for a few days until she forgets how much she likes the song.

In case you were awake at 4am wondering if the people in our house were sleeping...

We were NOT!

More crying. Less sleeping. Losing my mind. Going on 5 weeks now (not counting many weeks before that of half way efforts to half way fix a problem while also half way sleeping).

This is not over.

But the truth here is that this isn't even about me, and my lack of sleep, or high blood pressure due to allowing my baby to feel upset. This is about her, and the fact that she is TIRED. And I think something about higher levels of cortisol production, plus all that feeling of abandonment, and oh my goodness where is my MOTHER when I NEED her, because I like to be ATTACHED to her at ALL TIMES while sleeping!

The morning after I wrote the above linked blog entry, I decided we'd had enough, and at least deserved a break from all the crying and not sleeping. After about 30 minutes which were undoubtedly destined to last 30 hours if I allowed it, I brought Keelyn to our bed, and she slept/nursed for the next few hours, all the way until 7am.

The next morning, the SUN came up (and really, when was the last time I was still asleep when the sun came up???), and I realized I'd been sleeping ALL THAT TIME (thanks to Andrew getting up with Hailey on the weekends, as he's done FOREVER since she was born)! Keelyn was out until about 7am, this time in her crib, with no tears at 4am. The next day it was 6am...and that lasted 3 more days. Just as I was beginning to forgive myself for all the crying... because, low and behold, she was SLEEPING for goodness sake... it ended.

We are now on day 4 of 4am waking again... followed by crying until I, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! go get her and make her happy, which simply involves picking her up, because she immediately calms down and makes love to my face, oh baby.

It's great that so many pediatricians swear by the cry it out stuff. It's great that for 99% of babies, it seems to be quick and easy... and permanent. For my kids, and for two very different reasons, I might add, but present nonetheless, THIS DAMN METHOD DOESN'T WORK!

(Though I admit I didn't wholeheartedly try it with Hailey for more than like, one night, because I found other things that I liked better, and also worked. Such things have been tried with Kiki, to no avail.) (Also, my pediatrician happens to be very sympathetic, and though he promised this would work and advocated it with the best of intentions, he is not one who ignores you when you say IT'S NOT WORKING!!!) (And not that I expect the pediatrician to fix this, or even to be right, because she is MY kid and all, and he is not the one getting up with her at night OR listening to her cry, I'm kind of out of juice and options here, and he kind of knows a lot more kids than I do, so maybe he is my hope for more suggestions?) (Or maybe you Internet people have the magic answers?)

The bad news is, I can't figure out just what does work for Keelyn, so we're kind of at a loss. Anyway, that's the update, dismal as it may be. My poor little sleep deprived, over worked up baby. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to cuddle her, as she is crying rather than napping, and we've pretty much maxed out on crying for one day already (big surprise), and, oh shit, I just realized that is because the CAT is in her room scratching at the door to get out, and keeping her AWAKE... so you see these things can cause glitches. Anyone want a cat?

*** UPDATE ***

So after writing that this morning, I had a little heart to heart with myself. I admitted that this was doing absolutely no good to anyone, and making Keelyn and me miserable. We are both getting less sleep this way, and she is crying like a bazillion times more than she used to, because she previously was a baby who NEVER cried about ANYTHING. It's a shame this hasn't worked, because giving it up likely means we still won't be sleeping much (as that was why this whole thing got started)... but at least we know we've tried, and at least going back to our old ways will mean the crying will stop.

I lifted an enormous burden from myself today when I decided I'd just listen to my heart again and stop trying to follow a set agenda... one clearly not set for this babe. I did call the nurse's line at our ped's office, and to my surprise, she actually AGREED with me that this has gone on long enough. I believe her exact words were, "you just do whatever you need to do to love that little one and make both of you feel better about all of this, and don't worry about the rest." She's right. If nothing else, we need a break. I've never been a parent who needed permission to do something with my child, nor am I usually someone who parents based on the molds we are shown (if Hailey as a first child taught me anything at all, it is that children are very unique, and the job of a parent is to embrace that uniqueness and help it flourish), but a little validation felt good considering the effort we've put forth (sleep problems, after all, are not unique as a general issue, but the individual issues surrounding them can be).

Keelyn's 9 month well check is next week, followed by Thanksgiving... so I figure we'll chat it up with the doctor then, get through our little family holiday break, and then regroup. If that means the only way to get sleep is together, waking hourly for reassurance, then so be it (and that may be the path we follow for a while, until she shows us she's ready for something different). At least the tears will be over. At least I can go to sleep tonight relaxed and knowing that I will go to my baby when she needs me, and show her the mommy she knows again. I think in order to be truthful with myself and with her, I felt we had to try this, but it was painful and ineffective. It feels so good to give myself permission to let it go and look at her honest little eyes, knowing that mine are looking back at her just as honestly.

More on Modesty

I know not everyone bothers to read the comments on blog entries... but there is a pretty interesting conversation going on here on modesty, and I'd love it if more people would join in, particularly those with a different opinion on the matter. There are certainly many valid perspectives that should be represented.

I've never openly invited comments like this, but I'm asking you to read the post if you haven't already, and join the discussion! It's a great opportunity to get other people's perspectives on this one... especially if your kids are young enough that you haven't given it much thought as of yet. You might surprise yourself.

On Modesty

"What's that, Daddy?"

"What's what?"

"That."

Daddy quickly put on his boxers, and proceeded to get dressed after his shower. Hailey shrugged, and said, "Oh, now it's all gone."

This is certainly not the first time Hailey's noticed Daddy is different. What, with his cool peepee fountain and all. She discovered that years ago. She's also heard the difference between a boy and a girl explained to her, and even seen it in the form of baby parts. But that was different.

We had a little talk tonight, and by little, I mean I talked for about 60 seconds, and she stopped paying attention after about 10 of those. But I explained things in plain terms, and she seemed to understand. Or at least she understands that she and Kiki are like Mommy, and Daddy is different, because he has that.

I remember when she was very young, Andrew and I first talked about how we would handle modesty issues. Neither he or I is a particularly modest person in general, but we do feel there is a certain level of appropriateness that must be determined when raising healthy, well adjusted children... particularly girls. I actually think it's different for boys. It seems so natural for Mom to forgo her modesty with all of her children until they are particularly older. I'm not sure why I feel that way. Maybe because the mother-child bond is quite physical from the get-go. Maybe because I am a stay-at-home mom, and modesty is not only inconvenient, but nearly impossible most of the time. Maybe because we have two daughters, and it's just difficult for me to fathom how I might feel if they were sons.

Regardless, we decided, after reading what the experts have to say, that we'd just deal with it when it came up. It's not a big deal... or a deal at all, for that matter... until it comes up. And today was the day. She's probably wondered before. But today, she bothered to ask.

I'm not sure the entire line has to be drawn as of yet. I don't think it's a big deal if she's around when her daddy uses the bathroom, as she rarely pays it any attention at all. It's as natural as when she herself uses the bathroom. In our house, that pretty much means it's a party for everyone who wants to come along. She certainly has no reason to be modest in front of Daddy for now, and won't for quite some time. But the showering probably has to become a private time for him. At the very least, he has to step out of the shower and towel up so as to not make a big deal of it, but also convey body language that says the show is over.

This really kind of snuck up on us. She went from baby to little person at lightning speed, and now she's shouting out in little person style, requiring us to take notice.

I've always been very careful to treat body parts equally, and to help her to not feel self-conscious about her own need for modesty and privacy. There's that fragile self-esteem in there that needs to be tenderly loved, and need not worry with her underwear showing once in a while. At the same time, she's certainly too old to pull her shirt up in the mall and nurse her babies, as she did a year ago. Somehow, she knows that. In fact, the other day, as she was getting dressed, she mentioned she that she was putting her shirt on to hide her boobs. Clearly, she has begun to develop a heightened awareness of these things.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, my wise readers, as my opinions on this subject are still being formed. What do you do in your house? What do you feel is appropriate? How did your family treat modesty when you were young?

What she said

Hailey on the phone with my mom...think excited voice, with little time even to breathe in between sentences, due to the urgency of this message...absolutely NOT a two sided conversation with normal dialogue, questions, answers, etc...just my little story teller on a rambling binge...

Hi Nana! Yeah, so Mommy found a yion and there was a zebwa on da back of the keerio's box, and we got a pengen toy inside and, and, and it goes AWOOOO!!! Weee!!! And den I ate fwooty kee'io's mix in...you eva do dat, Nana...mix yo keerio's? Fwooty and honey nut in miyuk. It's wea'ye good, mmm, it's deyicious! And den, Kiki said, "all done please, Mommy, I am all done!" so she oosed the signs we teached her, and Mommy said, "Yay, Kiki! Kiki oosed signs!" And Georgia, and Gabby are comin' ova, to pway wit me why Mommy is in da showa, and I said, "Hi!" and they came to the movie with me, you like da movie? And Spencer...and we saw Madagaca...Mommy, I said Madagaca, you hear me? That was wea'ye good, Haya. Okay Nana, bye bye, yove you.

To which my mom said, "Did she say something about a zebra in her Cheerio's?"

Convo with the Keekster

Keelyn has been saying "Dada" for a while now. When Andrew comes home from work, she nearly jumps out of her skin with excitement as she crawls to the door to watch him walk up the steps, and squeals, "Dadadadada!" until he scoops her up. She just started saying "Mama" last week. Apparently the long hours in her crib crying for me inspired her to learn how to call me by name. They learn how to pull our strings awfully early, don't they?

Anyway, she pretty much crawls around the house saying "Mama" all day long now, except for when she breaks for some time to slobber all over something, or blow razzberries, or when I get out the camera. Believe it or not, she was saying it constantly for the 10 minutes or so before this video, and continued on for about 10 minutes after.

You'll see what I recorded was her taking a break from it, to practice calling for Dada. We fit one "Mama" in for the camera before the battery died. Figures. Still, I have no shame in sharing a video with you which mostly exhibits my desperation in hearing her sweet little voice recognize me, as I beg and plead for our usual banter, which normally includes immediate parroting of whatever I say...except here, in which case she blatantly ignores my requests.

Oh well, she's a doll, and I'll sit and listen to whatever she has to say for hours.

The best movie EVER.

Today we went on a date. Not the kind with candles and light banter over dinner about politics and gossip about the neighbor down the street and conversation about our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Not that kind. Is that even how those go any more? The rules have probably changed since the Mesozoic Age.

I think on dates, the number one rule is that you don't talk about your kids. Today on our date, it was the three of us. Andrew, Hailey, and myself. We're rebels.

The last time the three of us went on a date was Valentine's Day, when Andrew surprised Hailey and me with reservations at our favorite Italian place downtown. Keelyn was born a week later, and, well, things have been hectic. Plus, now we are a foursome.

We've always pretty much treated family as a package deal. We're pretty much home bodies, and if we go somewhere, we prefer it's as a whole. But Hailey has desperately needed some Mommy and Daddy time, as she seems a bit overwhelmed by the fact that her sister becomes more and more of a threat to the throne each day. Keelyn is finally old enough that we are comfortable leaving her for a short while for some equally needed Nana time, and the kisses and comfort only she can provide. Madagascar opened in theaters this weekend, and it seemed like the perfect outing, providing cuddling, excitement and laughter for all.

I think Andrew and I have both secretly looked forward to the first time we could take Hailey to a movie since, oh, I don't know...she was born, maybe. The movies are so romantic. The lights, the popcorn, the cuddle-evoking removable armrests...the sticky floors, the kid kicking the back of your seat, the annoying man on his cell phone. Okay, well, most of it is romantic. And to a kid, it's magical.

Hailey was her typical timid self when we entered the theater (though you could see the excitement seeping from her fingertips), clinging to us and our laps as the previews played out. She wanted to do the lap sit through the entire movie, but I was all, "no way kid, your seat cost $6.25 (Seriously? $6.25 for a KID to see a matinee? Somebody please tell me when that happened!), and your tush is gonna sit in it." I could hardly blame her for not wanting to sit alone, as when she first tried, the seat swallowed her whole. It flipped her right into a cute little kid sandwich, showing no remorse as her mommy and daddy giggled before helping her out. Once she realized there were m&m's, popcorn, and dancing lions involved (in that order), she was game...but Andrew had to rest his leg on her seat cushion to keep her from becoming lunch meat the whole time.

By the end of the movie, she was laughing it up, and dancing in front of her seat with the likes of Ben Stiller with a mane, smiling from ear to ear, shouting, "Mommy, yook! Them are doin' the booty dance! This is the best movie EVER!" And it really kinda was.

We all agreed it would have been a little more perfect if Keelyn could have joined us as well (though I think she thoroughly enjoyed the 90 minute nap on the couch with Nana)...so we look forward just as much, to the day when we can do this all over again, for the first time with her.

The sick don't sleep

So we had a million things going on this week, and it's time for me to unload. Readers, beware.

First, what I want to write about is the sleeping habits of the cute little bundle of no sleep we have crawling around our house all day long. I know you are just so excited to read, as I explain her sleep schedule in grueling detail. Truly, this is not the blog to come to when you need a thrill ride. There will be no thrills from this line on.

If you are seeking thrills, check back on another day.

Really, if you stop reading now, I will forgive you. Especially because I will never know.

Consider yourself warned.

Oh, but I do promise a laugh at the end, at Hailey's expense...or maybe my own...I'm not sure.

Though it is entirely against all of my parenting instincts, and though I firmly believe in parenting by instinct, we have been letting Keelyn do quite a bit of crying at night lately. She went from a baby sleeping through the night at 12 weeks, to a baby waking once an hour at 6 months. She was chronically exhausted, and so was I.

I guess I feel compelled to confess a bit, though I'm not sure why. I also feel compelled to defend myself, if for no other reason than that I hope one day she'll read this blog, and I want her to know none of my parenting decisions have ever been made without thought that involves dissecting every single piece of every single possibility to the point of driving myself, and my husband (and possibly a few friends and even the pediatrician) insane.

I can talk about this stuff for days. And then I can analyze it. And then I can talk about the what if. And then I can analyze that.

None of this crying stuff is going as promised by all the people who swear by it...the people I have never listened to fully until now, because there are so many alternatives to letting a baby cry, all of which I happen to feel better about.

Anyway, here we are. Ferber was supposed to take 3 days...it took about 2 weeks. But only for the first half of the night. From 4:00am on, nothing at all works. Nothing. Not cosleeping, not nursing incessantly until day break. Not rubbing and patting through fussiness in the crib. Not rocking back to sleep. Not standing at the door and whispering sweet nothings about how normal babies are asleep at this time of night. Did I leave anything out? If I did, we probably tried that too. And we tried all of those things for the entire night for a couple of weeks before resorting to Ferber, as the gentler of the cry it out methods. At least it's gradual. At least she's aware we hear her. At least we can check to see she's okay.

So I had a long talk with the pediatrician at the beginning of the week. Keelyn is just stubborn and strong. The second I pick her up, the crying stops immediately, so I guess I feel like I can see where the picking her up is teaching a habit we don't want. She will cry even for long intervals if the promise of Mommy is on the other end. Doctor's advice: Don't go in even for a peek until 6:30 no matter what. Doctor's claim: For most babies this takes only one night, some two. Last night was night three. Seriously. This morning, she cried the least of any day so far, and it was a full hour.

I have major problems with this whole situation. To me, it feels like premeditated-baby-torture-by-crying. It's like, "Goodnight, sweetheart, I love you, and oh, by the way, if you scream as hard as you possibly can tonight, I'm still going to ignore you, so just please give up and sleep instead." I guess the truth is that's the short term lesson to be taught. The idea is that it will take only a couple of days, and then once she is sleeping soundly, of course I would go to her if she cried out. And I know the argument is that you are teaching them to sleep, and that's a good thing, so therefore the end justifies the means. The thing is, it's completely and totally against every instinctual bone in my body, and if I believe anything at all about parenting, it's that it should be done based on instinct. So I guess that says something about me I might not like to admit...in the process of trying absolutely everything else, my instinct has lead me to try something totally non-instinctual...letting my baby cry.

If it does work for us, I'm still not gonna be happy about it, and I still won't sing it's praise, and I still will try everything else first with any other babies we have in the future. I mean it. This sucks. But it also sucks that she's so darn tired. Frankly, so am I. After nearly three weeks of this stuff, preceded by a couple of months of just plain old bad sleep, the end may very well justify the means...if it works. If it turns out to be for not, well then the next entry might include some tears, lots of cursing myself out, and probably will be written with a baby asleep on my back. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Let's hope she figures out how to get some sleep.

I tell you this because, as I said, I feel the need for a confessional therapy session/explanation to my daughter for why she might have lingering feelings of abandonment later in her own therapy sessions/I must write it all down to get it out of my mind so that tonight, I might be able to sleep/and mostly, because I want you to feel sorry for me when I also tell you this...

Andrew went out of town.

So the first night/morning of totally letting her cry, which happened to be election night, on which I happened to stay up until 1:00am, Keelyn began crying at about 3:40am...you do the math. The past two nights weren't entirely better.

But here's where it gets good. And by "good" I mean that Andrew is now indebted to me in ways he may have to spend the rest of our lives repaying. Hailey came down with a fever last night. I barely even had any Tylenol in the house, as last year she didn't get sick once. I owe that to the fact that I was pregnant, and therefore insisted that we bathe regularly in hand sanitizer, so as to kill anything that might be trying to attack our immune systems on regular 5 minute intervals. I did find her some Tylenol, and, if you must know (which you must in order to get the following joke, or I would never tell you such a dirty little secret in the first place) in order to convince her to take it, I bribed her with m&m's.

In the time between about midnight, and 2:00am, she was virtually inconsolable. I was delirious at the thought of yet another single parenting night without sleep. Let me share with you the things she told me...

"My breath hurts."

"I need to vomit from my bottom."

And my personal favorite, in her sleep, after I very gently administered a dose of Tylenol so as not to wake her after hours of helping her get to sleep..."Nem-nem's Mommy?"

Anyway, Andrew is home tonight. Of course this means a few things. First of all, it means that he will be the one to get up with either babe, should she wake, due to his enormous debt to me and my awesomeness as a mother. Second of all, Hailey no longer has a fever, and will probably sleep just fine, as she shared all of her screaming, thrashing about, disrobing herself, and tears for me. Thirdly, by what I'm sure is some kind of negative action on Murphy's Law, I'm guessing Keelyn will sleep soundly as well. This is night four after all. It also marks the last night of our third week of this crying nonsense.

Something's gotta give. I'll get back to you on just what that is.

He's my President, and he'll be yours, too.

I recognize that the smaller half of 2008 voters spent last evening and today disappointed, and mourning the ideals of the McCain campaign. I can even empathize, as I know that feeling from previous elections. I guess that's why we do this every four years. John McCain made a wonderful speech last night, driving home the point that now that a decision has been made, Americans must unite, and trust our new leader.

The difference between this and other elections, is that this year it's bigger. This year was about so much more. The number of new voters who stood up to be counted. The number of people in my generation who did unite, and overwhelmingly voted for the one they felt would lead them in a new direction. The number of people at the roots of a campaign that included every state, and neighborhoods previously ignored, as volunteers walked door to door in support of quite a movement. The minorities who can now feel a part of a country, where they can truthfully hold the same hopes for their children as I can for mine. The hopes I can now hold for my children, my daughters. The global statement that America really is the land of opportunity; of possibility; of HOPE.

For those who didn't vote for Obama, whatever the reason, I hope that in the next months and years, he proves to be your president, as he has promised. I hope that you are able to see what millions already see in him, and that he will represent everyone well, as any good president should try to do.

For those who did vote for him...yay. This is amazing. I wept as I watched the sea of people who showed up to support him on his day. In fact, I haven't heard bits of his speech, or seen images of him celebrating with his wife and beautiful daughters, all day without feeling a bit choked up at the magnitude of what this means...both because of his color, and because his color had nothing to do with it at all.

There's a whole lot to clean up around here, and I truly believe, now more than ever, Barack Obama is the man to do it.

So that's it. I'll drop the politics from here on out. I know, as I've said before, lots of my readers see things differently, and come here for things like pictures of my adorable kids, and stories about the adorable things they do. More of that to come soon. For today, I can talk about nothing other than this, as it overwhelms my heart.

Peace to all and love thy neighbor. May God bless this country.

Baby Yoga

For the past three nights, this is how I have found Keelyn sleeping. That's her lovey, Emmit, curled up under her face. Doesn't she look cozy?

a loose Canon

So we finally bought a digital SLR, thanks to some birthday help from the parents. It arrived this weekend, and this afternoon, my kids saw a side of me they may certainly grow to fear in days to come...if they are not in the middle of full-fledged nightmares already.

At first, Hailey was all, "Um, Mommy, no way are you using that thing on me. What's it gonna do to me? Are you out of your mind?" And then later, she was all, "Mommy, take my picture. Mommy, I'm posing for you. Mommy, I look beautiful." Keelyn didn't really get it. She knows to smile when I break out the point and shoot, but with me hiding behind this one, she lost interest and went about her business. Oh, but I'll teach her. We just have to break it in.

And break it in, I will. Um, like tonight I need to break in the owner's manual though. Flashy, flashy is all we have so far...and it's hard not to with moving targets, but I'm working on it.

Anyway, I am oh so totally in love with it. That smooth, black casing. The sound of the shutter. The weight. The opportunity. The pictures. I can't stop taking pictures.