My Big Girl

As I delicately placed the buttons on the last little snowman last night, Hailey came into the kitchen, and selected the one adorned in purple and red for her own. Maybe it was the fact that I was directly involved this time, rather than simply attending the party, or maybe it was the constant conversation we had over the weekend about what to expect, but something helped my big girl right along through from beginning to end.

Today marked the third holiday preschool class party since the start of the year in September. It was the first that was free of tears. I've mentioned before how these situations can overwhelm her, and I've spent a lot of time talking with her teacher and working on a strategy to help her enjoy herself more. It's indescribably heart-breaking, to see your little one want so much to participate in something that is supposed to be fun, yet watch her crumble like a soft little cookie, needing only the arms of a mama to soothe her.

I believe she's grown up some. She's past the age where voicing confidence and gently nudging her along does the trick. Now she needs it all spelled out. She needs to know what to expect, and she needs to hear with the utmost sincerity that she can succeed. But something else too. I focused a lot of my attention in our conversations this weekend on the fact that she is a big girl, and she can decide for herself. For instance, if it makes her uncomfortable when everyone sings the prayer together with the visiting parents, then she can sit quietly and just hold my hand. She's never been a kid to throw a fit for the sake of being rude, and certainly not in a classroom setting. When she cries, it's genuine...and it's very internalized. So, we just talked about how she can politely remove herself from a situation that makes her uncomfortable, and that is completely fine.

I'm not sure what made me more proud...seeing her participate comfortably in things with her heart at ease, or seeing her opt out of things that made her too nervous. Both took such courage and peace. Both took confidence and self-awareness. Such mature decisions. Yet, this seemed to be the key for her. Knowing she can make the choice before going into it. Knowing what the choices might be. Knowing we will love her either way.

She had so much fun. She had no tears. She came home proud and confident. That's what this is about. My heart is bursting with love for her right now. Just bursting.