Thin Ice

"I want to ice skate, Mommy."

"Okay, we'll see. I don't think they have skates for you."

"Well, you can just go buy me some while I'm at school."

* * *

From out of nowhere, she got this crazy idea she was going to skate at the rink set up at an outdoor mall near us. And she was determined. For whatever reason, this was worth throwing all her normal inhibitions out the window, and she did so with a smile on her face and a giddy-up in her step.

After eating at a nearby restaurant, we walked over to check out the rink, and much to my surprise, she never changed her tune. Still persistent about it. Still ready to go.

If you know Hailey at all, you are SHOCKED that she is ice skating in the middle of the mall with a random girl while I take pictures (dreadful pictures with my phone).

Well, the first part isn't entirely true. She's not ice skating. She's skating on plastic, because we live in the South, and that's all they can keep hard around here. But she is on real ice skates, and she's all on her own out there.

I could have cried.

Partly, because I was bursting with excitement for my brave little go-getter. Partly, because the girl they pay to help little kids get around the rink was way not interested in her job, and my little one was mustering up every bit of strength she had, just to keep those (10 sizes too big) ice skates under her feet!

But she did it. One lap, and she was done. And she was PROUD.

* * *

Next week we have the perfect storm brewing. Monday, we have the Christmas party in her preschool class. Tuesday, Christmas party in ballet class. Wednesday, Christmas pageant at school. The thing is, each of these events is individually terrifying for her. It takes her weeks to get the courage to dip her toes in, and often lately it ends in tears. Despite the fact that she looks forward to these events, her excitement is glazed with a thick coat of anxiety she just can't shake.

She's telling me she's going to be brave for her class party, and that she doesn't want to do the other two things. I'm leaving it up to her. I'm hoping that if she goes into it with the idea from the beginning that it's okay if she doesn't participate, then the absence of pressure to do so might allow her to be at ease. In the past, she's always known it was okay either way, but I've approached situations with the assumption she would participate, in an attempt to convey my confidence in her. That may have been a good tactic a year ago, but it's not working any more, so I'm trying something new. She's definitely old enough to let us know what she's comfortable with, and as long as she knows the opportunities are there, we have to be okay with her turning them down. She can join in if she feels like it at any time, and that will be fine. At the very least, I'm hoping this approach will help her avoid those anxiety driven alligator tears I've seen all too many times. It's the holidays. 'Tis the season to be jolly. Especially if you are four.

For now, I am savoring this moment we had last week, when she was so big, and so independent. It was amazing.