If he can do it, so can I

The morning was filled with the normal giggles, snuggles and such that always come with the knowledge of a time to relax on a Saturday. It was a bit of a difficult morning for Hailey, following our first week back to the grind, feeling the weight of the lost sleep and extra stress. We split the kid duties, the two of us... Daddy took Keelyn.
In time, Keelyn emerged from her room diapered, dressed, and brushed. Drew had also found a moment to put himself together. Hailey and I worked through her stress with some extra cuddling in bed, and also emerged, a little later, similarly well dressed in clothes she selected for herself. I believe the get-up involved a combination of reds and pinks and browns and blacks and every other color combination one is not supposed to blend, all topped off with Christmas socks and a plaid bow. I threw myself together, looking equally mismatched though with different intentions no doubt, and we were out the door.
As we piled into the car, coats tucked carefully into car seats, gloves already being pulled off, and shoes kicking to beg for music before we could find the keys, I heard my husband say "I feel like I've really accomplished something today." It was about 10:00am, and the great accomplishment he was referring to was getting the little one dressed. He even did her shoes and coat!

Though it may seem at first glance that I'm mocking him, I'm really not at all. The sense of accomplishment was admirable. I realized, I'd walked out of the house feeling defeated. Upset that Hailey had had a tough morning, rather than focused on the fact that I'd helped her through it. And I'll be damned if I don't get both kids dressed all the way to their shoes and coats nearly every morning all by myself by 8:30.

All by myself. By 8:30. And on a good day, they're even smiling.

This is amazing. Literally, every single morning, it's a miracle. The fact that people leave my house clothed at all is a miracle. Yet it takes a morning like today, where we had an insanely dirty diaper mess, followed by a tub mess, followed by a child who decided as we were ready to walk out the door that she needed to completely undress and change clothes...tights and all...that I feel like I've really accomplished anything at all. And then, I'm too exhausted to care.

I suppose this is the curse of motherhood. The feeling that we're never good enough. That what we do will never be... enough.

For me, it's that I'm never patient enough, never funny enough, never quick enough, never organized enough. And all that is silliness, when it's stacked up against why it's such a rewarding job to be a mommy.

Tonight, Keelyn crawled up on my bed with a book, called me into the room, and said "cuddle." This is how she wanted to end the day. And Hailey, well she helped me through the dirty diaper disaster, the tub cleaning, and the getting re-dressed after undressing from already being dressed in perfectly good clothes incident. And she gave me so many kisses during the day that my cheeks ache a bit as they await another fix in the morning. And as I rubbed Keelyn's itsy-bitsy thigh while we read, she looked at me and said, "thank you," and it occurred to me that it's not all lost on them. They appreciate it. They are good kids. They help. They listen. They love.

For goodness sake, they give me perspective. And maybe if they're dressed at all, and if they know how to love each other, and they know I love them... maybe I won't break them, maybe they'll forgive my ill organization on the tough days, maybe once in a while I can make them laugh, and maybe that's enough.